Today’s massive gratitude

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In April, I had a conversation with Marie-Claire Ashcroft in a state of woe. Job prospects didn’t work out, I was in financial trouble, and I needed 2 surgeries I didn’t even dream of. My health issues were the biggest blow because it was rather serious and there I was, just graduated with my shiny new degree, a budding touring schedule and boom. Stopped me in my tracks.

After lamenting with Marie Claire, she told me to read The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. And with nothing to lose, that’s what I did while I recouped from my surgeries. It was in this time I decided I needed to start over. Obviously my old ways were hurting me. So my daughter and I rented a storage unit and gave up our home, bought plane tickets to Greece and rented an apartment there for month with my boyfriend. And we just landed back ‘home’ (just one of the vagabond stops this summer) last night.

We chose Greece because of its affordability but also its freedom. You see, living in Toronto being a musician and going for a degree, I found myself in a box. At first glance it looked like a fancy box to some but on the inside, whatever I was doing wasn’t working anymore. And to heal from the reprocussions of being boxed in for years, I needed to feel free again. Free to wander, free to explore, to wake up without a clock, to sleep whenever I wanted. I needed freedom in what I ate without counting calories because I had to gain weight back – and I wanted it to be made with healthy food, pure food. I needed to walk on historical grounds where many before me have walked so I could pick up their energy saying it’s ok, I’m a valuable piece of earth’s puzzle, like they once were… I needed a lot of things but never made it happen. Until now.

Obviously now, it’s back to the grind and the tasks of putting back the pieces will be a challenge but you know what I left in Greece? The box I was in. The box in my head. The sea water soaked it and it melted away like mush. But through believing I was worth taking this big leap to change life, I met people and did things that solidified that.

I invite anyone to muster up all they have inside them and step out of their box. It’s really scary at first because the faces around you change when your path changes, and the sights around you are different and not necessarily in your comfort zone. But there’s something about this newness that breathes fresh air into oneself because you’ve wiped the slate clean, shown the rules the door and there’s a huge freedom in that.

Ancient civilizations were always rebuilding. Destruction after destruction of their cities and temples but they just kept rebuilding. That’s how we can view life. What’s underneath – our history, is still precious and valuable but maybe it can’t be used in the same way as it once was. So it’s time to rebuild something greater.

Thanks for telling me about The Big Leap, MC  After the past few months, I’ve lived a life I never could have dreamt up – good, bad, all of it. Now I feel like I can powerfully take on the next leg of life’s journey from a happier, healthier, more grounded place with fewer proverbial walls.

I wish for you all the same.

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